You Came

(the following is very much a first draft)

You came today and I noticed.
You came and sat and listened.   I noticed.
You smiled when you could, paused and tried.
I could tell underneath you were timid.
I could tell underneath you were tired.
I could tell underneth you experienced pain but, you came.
I could tell He helped you come.
You bring me joy when you come.
You give me courage when you come.
You give me faith when you come.
You give me friendship when you come, even when you don't say anything and we don't say anything together.
You see, I am timid, I am tired, I experince pain. I need courage.  
I may seem steady, not always. You may not think you make a difference but, it hurts when you don't come. 
So come.
I will still be your friend when you don't come.
Please be mine and ask me, to come.

Thoughts while holding Daniel on my lap during sacrement meeting.

I hold you now, while you are sitting still.
I hold you now, while you are quiet.
I hold you now, where no telephones can interrupt, nor doorbells can ring and no messes can cry out to be cleaned.
I hold you now and pray for you when the times come that I can not hold you:
            Times when you are playing with friends
            Times when you go to school
            Times when you are Too Big for Mom to hold you.
            Times when you are on a Mission or gone to college
            Times when you will have someone else to hold you
            Times when I may be called to a heavenly sphere.
               I pray my time will be before yours... but incase yours is first:  I hold you now.
I hold you now and press my cheek to yours and hope my love for you transfers to your soul for safe-keeping that you may draw upon its power when I cannot hold you.
I hold you and send the energy of my heart to yours.  I image I'm weaving into your soul the light and love God had given me to give you strength when I cannot hold you.
I hold you and pray and pray and pray God will watch over you and lead you in experiences that will bring you to Him so He can hold you too.
I hold you and smile. You give me joy as I Hold you.

.......
This is just some simple thoughts.... 1st  and maybe only draft.

Thought Patterns

I heard on the radio a while back that psychologists have discovered if they can catch teenagers who are starting to have Polarized thought patterns early they can help them prevent a lifetime of mental illness. Since then, I have often thought we need to be careful with our thought patterns and keep them positive. That we should be careful about thought patterns of how we react to people, thought patterns of when we go out in public, thought patterns when we go to church, or talk to our children about chores, etc. I've noticed that I let too many "environmental" factors influence my thought patterns. I have also discovered that I can control many of the environmental factors and thus help my thought patterns. Music, is a great influence. Worthy music can to great things as I have had eluded to before. T.V. can eat my brain or give it something to hope for or just plain distract me from better things. Pondering, meditation and books are good disciplines for my thought patterns. Exercise coupled with either listening to gospel messages or reading gospel messages seems help my thought patterns jump to higher levels of understanding. It is probably all the oxygen. Shrug.




Do you all have any thoughts on thought patterns?

"Listen To the Still Small Voice"

One of my son's favorite songs is, "Listen to the Still Small Voice."  I've thought a bit about that this week and times I have listened and times I have not.   I realize not everyone believe in the Holy Ghost but, there have been too many times, and too many clear thoughts come for me not to believe.  Today I remembered a time 19 years ago that I saw a man walking by my house as I pulled out to go to a dance.  He had something on his shoulder that looked like rope or a hose or something.  I felt a strong impression to talk to him and I didn't.  The impression grew so much that I turned around in my car and looked for him.  I wasn't able to find him.   The next day I learned that a college student had been to visit some girls that rented from our neighbors and borrowed a hose from them and then killed himself from the fumes of his car.  I do not know if this was the same man I saw or not... but, I wish I had not hesitated.  I wish I would have talked to him.  "Listen to the Still Small Voice, listen, listen.  When you have to make a choice,  he will guide you, always." 

God is Love

I came across this quote today by Mother Teresa...  I thougth it fitting for this week's theme.

 “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

"God is Love"

I think I may change things a little in my blog. Sometimes I feel I try to force profound thoughts or insight because, this is "Out-there." I may simplify it a little and add some funny things of life... like, what is up with our body always mutating or doing embarrassing things. Ever since I have had my gall badder out, if I consume a lot of "junk" food, then my body produces extra gas, yes I mean farts. Twice this last week at some family gatherings in the great outdoors, I could not control some little toots. sigh... yes everyone thought it funny and to this point have not let me forget about it. Sometimes I wish all my weaknesses were that simple and would just give others something to laugh about and then we could go on with life.


This week I'm pondering what it means to serve and truly love others and why do we say "God is Love?"

I'm not really sure right now. I will have to think about it.

Scatter Sunshine

I find it interesting when patterns emerge through the week.  This week as I frist thought about Scattering Sunshine, I thought I would think about serving others; instead, I found myself remembering times others lifted me up and brightened my day. 
I was also drawn to thoughts about courage and things that merited courage.  Reaching outside ourselves to brighten someone else's day, values, virtue, getting up in the morning sometimes takes courage.  Saying sorry takes courage.
After I thought about courage because of the lyrics of the songs, I happened to read Pres. Monson's talk about courage.  He challenged the young women to have courage in 3 elements of their lives.  He said,
"First, the courage to refrain from judging others;

Second, the courage to be chaste and virtuous; and
Third, the courage to stand firm for truth and righteousness."
I have a huge spider in my garden, that I will have to have courage to kill but, mostly I pray I will have courage to speak up for truth and integrity.

Scatter Sunshine

The last couple of nights as I've sat down to "blog" a little and am reminded of my theme for the week, I've thought..."man, I wish I would have remembered this song in the middle of the day." So, here are some wish thoughts... it may or may not be healthy.

"I wish I would have "Scattered Sunshine" when,
I was getting my children off to school today.
When I drove my niece to school.
When I stood in line for 20 minutes with other busy people.
When I was alone with my son this afternoon.
When I said my prayers.
When I talked to my husband on the phone.
when, when, when,

It wasn't that I was negative, I just wish I would have had the song in my heart and I think I would have loved those around me a little better. Not in an annoying, hyper-positive, Snow White way... but, hopefully in a positive, gentle. fun, stable way. Guided by the Spirit, out-of-my own box way.

I am going to write myself a note, to hum, or sing this song to myself during the day (thanks for the reminder Kris).

And before I forget, Thanks to all you out there, who have Scattered Sunshine, in my life. I say this realizing most of those I should thank exist beyond this dimension of blogging but, it feels good to put it out there anyway.

Scatter Sunshine

Tonight, I read the versus to "Scatter Sunshine." One line really stood out:


"Oh, what care and sorrow
You may help remove,
With your songs and courage,
Sympathy and love."
It reminded me of the YouTube I saw of Susan Boyle and her song of courage. Watching her sing in front of that British Audience and the judges, that beautiful song, "I Dreamed a Dream." Wow, total sunshine to my soul. I got excited, I wanted to Dream Dreams, and follow my dreams and DO something. Acting with courage in truth, we scatter sunshine. We can't help it.

Often, it takes courage to scatter sunshine in today's politically correct world. Even without all the political correctness, it is hard to look at a stranger in the eye and smile as you go by, or give a compliment; yet it can make a difference. 

"Scatter Sunshine"

Growing up, I would often hear my mother singing or humming, songs. "Scatter Sunshine" was one of them. I thought it was just part of her being the positive person that she was. Now I believe it was her way of rebelling against the negative world around her, fortifying herself from fiery darts. If you don't believe me, that simple songs like "Scatter Sunshine" can do that, you should try it on a day that is approaching gloomy and see if it doesn't help.


I think one of the first times I remembered her singing "Sunshine" songs was when I worked in a dry cleaning place on an army base in Augsburg, Germany. It was hot, humid, oh and did I say Hot in the dry cleaning building. The building was big and not exactly air-condition friendly. All day I pressed army fatigues for 8 1/2 hours. The pay was pretty good but, what helped me get through was my mother's sunshine songs. They just started to come into my head as I worked making sure those funky pockets on those military pants were pressed just so.
The first day I was there, I had worn a long sleeved shirt. I didn't realize what I would be doing. There were a lot of women from the Middle-East who also worked there. They didn't speak English but, they noticed I was very uncomfortable. A couple of them found a "lost and found" t-shirt which they gave to for me to exchange and they always smiled at me. They scattered sunshine.

Scatter Sunshine

For those of you who, if there are any "you's" out there, there is a theme to my meditations and ponderings for the week. Often it is tied to music. If the theme is tied to music it seems to stick to my physie a little better.
This week I've chosen "Scatter Sunshine" for my theme from the song by the same name. Last week as I examined prayer, I felt like I dwelt way to much on myself and it wasn't healthy in the end. It wasn't the subjects fault, just myself, getting got up in myself. This week I feel the need to look out of myself and focus on service and positive service at that, believing it will make a positive effect on the world.

Oh, May My Soul Commune with Thee - Thursday

I thought today to look up the word "commue."

1. to converse or talk together, usually with profound intensity, intimacy, etc.; interchange thoughts or feelings.


2. to be in intimate communication or rapport: to commune with nature.

I've been thinking about communication and sometimes we have weather communication, or dinner communication, bored communication, dutiful communication, sometimes the best communication doesn't have to include profound ideas, it can be just silliness.  But, what make GREAT communication.  For me it is where I feel completely safe, accepted, appreciated, loved; and then, when I am enriched, edified, fed and discover in communication.   Do you think the Lord likes to commue with us?

Oh, May My Soul Commune with Thee - Tuesday

Today I've been reflecting on our relationship with our Father in Heaven, and how that relates to prayer.  As Kim said in her comment  on yesterday's blog, that if our desires come first, we don't hear His answers as well.   Sometimes, as I habitually pray and take that relationship for granted,  I loose the feeling of tenderness. 
Sometimes as I, wait for answers to prayer, and wait again and wait some more, I do not feel validated by the Father.  It makes me feel like He isn't listening because I have to wait.   I do not like this feeling.  It is my tendency to say more dutiful prayers during this time than, heart felt prayers.  I don't mean to be a spoiled child, it is just hard not to feel mortal and a little hurt during the waiting,  and "be patient" times.
When inflicted with this impatient virus, I find worthy music a good antidote and remembering those tender mercies of the past.   Praying for understanding, looking for ways to serve others and counting those darn blessings.  Yes, it is hard to peal the pride from ones heart and be submissive.
I looked up all the lyrics to the hymn "Oh, May My Soul Commune with Thee."  I wish all my prayers were as sincere as this song.


Oh, May My Soul Commune with Thee


1. Oh, may my soul commune with thee
And find thy holy peace;
From worldly care and pain of fear,
Please bring me sweet release.

2. Oh, bless me when I worship thee
To keep my heart in tune,
That I may hear thy still, small voice,
And, Lord, with thee commune.

3. Enfold me in thy quiet hour
And gently guide my mind
To seek thy will, to know thy ways,
And thy sweet Spirit find.

4. Lord, grant me thy abiding love
And make my turmoil cease.
Oh, may my soul commune with thee
And find thy holy peace.

O May My Soul Commune with Thee - Monday Night

Today I read where Lehi wondered in a deary wasteland and even though he was following someone and was not alone, he started to feel a great need to pray.  He prayed for the Lord's tender mercies.  The Lord, of course, heard his prayer and showed him the way.   Even when we feel we are following the path the Lord would have us go, we are trudging through this mortal wasteland and need to pray for tender mercies of the Lord.

O May My Soul Commune with Thee

For this week the theme is "O May My Soul Commune with Thee."  Prayer is always a worthy subject to study and remember and re-learn.  The prophets have said that we must "Pray Always."  I have wondered what this could possilby mean and how could one always be talking to the Lord in prayer.  Today it occured to me that since prayer should really be a 2 part communication: talking and listening; one way a person could always be in an attitude of prayer, is to always be listening.
I taught my 4 year old's primary class in church today.  The lesson was talking about loving others and the lesson had an activity to teach the children to be better listeners.  We show love to others if we listen better to them.  My children remind me often that I'm not really listening, if I am not looking at them.  We have all experienced people who do listen well to us and people who don't and I would dare venture we like the first group of people a lot better.  If we love God, we should listen and learn how to listen.  How do we listen?

"And He Has Sent Me Here"

This morning my reflections are not on so much "why" He sent me here as that He did not send me here alone.  He sent His Son, the Holy Messiah, who made a perfect atonement which issues forth power and mercy to all who come to Him.  Christ has been sent here so, I do not have to walk my path alone.  Even though I am so very mortal, and imperfect, I have felt His love reaching out to me and helping me along the way.  Heavenly Father has also given us the precious, precious Gift of the Holy Ghost, which is something to be experienced, developed, studied and brings peace, not hype, anger, or confusion.  Submitting to their Leadership and pledging allegience to them brings great integrity into our lives.  "Their" being the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.  Great integrity brings with it power, strength, JOY and, of course, peace.

Thoughts on Don Quixote

"And He Has Sent Me Here."

To continue along these thoughts, of being sent here from a loving Heavenly Father, I must then ask myself, Why has He sent me to this place?" I don't believe in pre-determined destiny, but I do believe there are things that Heavenly Father would have me do. I believe we made promises to Him before this life and that He in turn has hopes and plans for us, just as many parents do for their children.


I believe Sheri Dew in her book that at times there is no one who can take your place and if you do not do it, it doesn't get done. One could feel over-whelmed that they are missing something HUGE if they don't do everything perfect so, they can receive revelation as to what their mission is here in life.

I think Heavenly Father would want us to choose some of our mission as we experience life. I feel He would like us to be like explorers and adventurers and discover our mission and who we really are and what we could do.

This give me a sensation of being an undercover agent, or someone like Indiana Jones. The times I have taken to ponder and seek, there is a truth that comes to me that I am His child, He wants me to succeed and He does have plan for me.

"And He has Sent Me Here"

So, I have been pondering what this phrase and reasons that He has sent me here.

He has sent me here to enjoy life. 
He has sent me here to see the Sunsets and Sun rises.
He has sent me here to see the butterfiles and fishes.
He has sent me here to garden.
He has sent me here to view the flowers within the flowers.
He has sent me here to share His creations with my husband and children.
He has sent me here to experience friendships.
He has sent me here to experience the taste of foods.
He has sent me here to experience family.
He has sent me here to be a daughter.
He has sent me here to be a wife.
He has sent me here to be a mother.
He has sent me here to be a friend.
He has sent me here to be loved.
He has sent me here to love.
He has sent me here to smile.
He has sent me here to experience sorrow and to feel His support as He and His Son sorrow's with me.
He has sent me here and there to lift up the weary.
He has sent me here to dream and create.
He has sent me here to be tested and to endure.
He has sent me here to climb a mountain and swim in the sea.
He has sent me here to experience.
He has sent me here to succeed.
He has sent me here to make mistakes and to try again.
He has sent me here to forgive and ask forgiveness.
He has sent me here to prepare for a better life than this one and this one isn't too bad.
He has sent me here to learn and to teach truth.
He has sent me here to feel a meriad of feelings.
He has sent me here to learn how to work and overcome and submit and learn the freedom in submitting.
He has sent me here to experience opposition.
I think He is happy when I recognise all the beautiful reasons He sent me here to experience and sad when I am blinded by selfishness, and self pity to understand them.

"And He has Sent Me Here"

Two years ago I was able to participate in a women's choir that sang for the general Relief Society conference meeting. At that time, our conductor Marilee Webb would often give us a theme for the week from a phrase in our music. Since then, I will often choose a theme for the week or take a suggestion from a friend for a theme. This week's theme is from the song, "I am a Child of God." It is the second phrase, "And He has sent me here." My initial thoughts are to think about my relationship with God, that He is my father and what that could mean to give me confidence, and what responsibility that may entail as well.

The Beginning

I have thought, meditated about doing a blog for a few years and as with many things this has been put on the back burner until it was the "right season." Well that is an excuse anyway. I feel that now I must act and do something about it.
So this is the beginning. It is short but, it is a start. A start to something that hopefully will mean something to someone. Even if that someone is just men.